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The Colbert Report/Episode/536
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert has noticed that Brian Williams doesn;'t get astanding ovation ** his audience is qui8et * personal responsibility ** recent well-poisoning *** bury car batteries or old dead horses? * meant anything to New York Times ** reply on anonymous sources ** and revealed classified *** built back-up America in the Pacific Ocean * the old gray lady is leakier than an old gray lady * gave a chart showing how much people can get for losing certain body parts * high society drinking tea * Michael Medved is both a * Twelve-Finger Pete, Dr. Colbert's key grip ** convert his pay check into base-12 SEGMENT2 * Obama's foreign trip ends today * like JFK or Hayes? * UnAmerican News! * Obama is a socialist ** if Stephen wanted to share wealth with friends; he'd have friends * Obama visited the rest of the world * if you can get a Frenchman to trust you ** you've discovered a new way to smoke * didn't get anything he asked for ** Stephen likes him, until he gets back * Tom Brokaw came by to give his opinion ** book: "A Long Way from Home: Growing Up in the American Heartland" * The Character Project * Williams gives nothing away free ** his audience isn't drunk either * Brokaw covered many overseas trips * Brokaw said Obama looked presidential ** big airplane * people around the world are interested in America's transition * Obama gave them a "time out" ** made them sit on their naughty spots * look to America for character * documentary ** on USA ** Today Show ** Nightly News * another book American Character * The Character Project * Brokaw made the book especially for Stephen The COLBERT Node * it has been two long weeks since Dr. Colbert won the NASA Node * Dr. Colbert threatened to strap a rocket on an intern with a spray can * Congresswoman Gabriel Giffords ** a node is not a room ** highly technical space term that means room * Dr. Colbert is a whiz at using oxygen and water * if water recovery is urine recycling, what is a Buzz Aldrin * Giffords says NASA should have the final say ** Stephen won by more votes than she did to win her election * NASA could be overriden by an act of Congress to name the node after Stephen Interview * Rich Lowry * book: "Banquo's Ghosts" * editor of the National Review ** his stimulus plan includes subscriptions to the National Review * he's a young conservative * Dr. Colbert is 84 ** freshens up every six months * wrote a novel ** secret assassins * a left-wing journalist sent to Iran to assassinate * mayhem and hilarity ensue * he's not familiar with Scooter Libby's bear rape * includes dogs and frog action * why fiction? facts are not interesting * GOP is in a time of re-evaluation * think about way to reconnect ** without changing anything they believe * principles stay the same, applications need to change ** GOP is stuck in the 1980's * hook 'em with fiction, get them to read National Review ** Conservative gateway drug * one of the most prestigious magazines Epilogue * Dr. Colbert when life gives you lemons; make lemonade (provided life also gives you water ice and sugar) Gallery Image:TONIGHTStare1.jpg Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments